Friday, 20 July 2012

Being brave and bearing all

Ok, those of you who follow very regularly will know that it's been a good few weeks since I lost blogged. The reason for that is simple, I didn't know how to put the words in black and white - the words that admit- a relapse.

Now I want to make one thing extremely clear this post is NOT in anyway a "poor me, pity me" post it's about honesty, it's about integrity and most of all it's about smashing the ridiculous stigma that surrounds mental health.

For reasons in my physical health my mental health has been more than struggling and over the past few months, I am ashamed almost to say, I have noticed my emotions and my control of them spiraling. I can say I hand on heart knew the reason for this but because I was being defiant to my own self and more importantly to my family, I refused to concede to the obvious and kept the British stiff upper lip. What an absoloute mistake and utter joke from the person so passionate in voicing about post natal depression and mental health as a whole. 15,000 plus have read my blog and read the one thing iv always campaigned about is speaking out an giving post natal depression a voice, hell I'm even taking it with the help of some wonderful mums to the press and into the mags. So why did I find it a challenge to take my mind to my GO and lay it bear. Quite simply because I have been doing what at some point in our lives we all do. "going through the motions"

So turnaround, this time, unlike my first diagnosis 2y ago, within 6 weeks my bum was in the seat infront of my GP with my mum by my side admitting I was struggling and need help! Within 30m back on the yellow and green tablet that I purposely take alongside my other pills for my physical problems because I am DAMNED if I'll treat my mind pills any different from my others. It's the same thing it's a condition , it requires a treatment. The irony being my mind will be sorted long before my body. What does that say for mental health treatment? Admittance and support are just the start, asking for the help being key! And to all those without the option to ask for help, speak up and speak out!

And I have to see a success in the fact that this time I didn't hide it from my family, I didn't hide it from my GP I just kept it from myself - although I knew deep inside, and hey there are things we can't control so if I can't control the physical I sure as hell will control the mind!

So... Emotive speak is one thing, clarification is something on a different level and that level is honesty. I can't be any less open about this because I want to be among those speaking up and speaking out!

Thank you for reading my naked post

Wednesday, 4 July 2012

Sparkling Smile

I have just realised this is the first post I have written where I have incorporated my blog title in a post, that's a sign it has been a good few days.

After my previous post I had some lovely messages collectively saying "keep smiling..." and I decided to take the advice and these past few days things have definitely felt brighter.

I have posted before about smiling being infectious and it is something I truly believe and wish the world over would catch on. So I decided I would take this on as a silent promise to myself, that despite being faced with any adversity this face would simply smile back and hide my mind screaming in turmoil and see what the response is...

I will also add this was a particular challenging time to take this on as firstly I bank with the f***wits also known as Natwest ... and decided to make this the week I throw myself into potty training!!!

But despite going crazy inside and wanting to lock myself in a room to scream for a few minutes smiling through the stress actually made me feel better to cope with the situations that arose in a much more proactive way.

Now by no means am I saying that being falsely cheery and almost smug is the way to handle stress, anxiety and any form of mental illness but I have found that it does help alleviate some symptoms, a bit like hot water bottles do for period pain... doesn't cure it but takes the edge of for a few minutes.

I wanted to share this with everyone because its something anyone can try and pretty much a fail proof way of having ago at something without loosing anything, except of course you work for Natwest and are being shouted at by a hormonal woman because she can not access her account - smiling in this instance may have resulted in the banks defence screens being activated....!!!

Potty training was something I have been dreading and dreading! I had made the idiotic mistake of trying to get her to do it before she was ready, however at the weekend she asked to be grown up like my best friends little girl and in her words "mummy be big girl like ... and no nappy" so I went with it and barring a few little accidents and a rather large poo on a trampoline it is going really well and I am sure this is because I took away all pressure from her and let her go with it in her own time. But in taking the pressure away from Lylha I found almost instantly a large weight had lifted and something I have been fretting about for 6m or so and loosing sleep over has turned out to be less of a challenge than I overly geared myself up for. Sadly that's one of the symptoms I am yet to find a cure for, the anxiety that comes from the fear of the unknown be that a change in a bedtime routine or tackling the potty. And again smiling through this has made me feel so much better and I am sure has added to my tolerance levels as I am a bit of a clean freak when there is a mess on my floor, to my husbands and dogs annoyance, they think I ambarking mad on the cleaning front!

So my reason for this weeks post is simple: Smile and the world will smile at you!

Please comment, I love to interact with my readers be it here or on twitter @laurindaisla and please add any ideas for anything you would like to read... NB: I don't write about Grey silk ties and riding crops.....
 (proof we are smiling :) )